Don't mess with MY toys ... *grrrr*

Just how many flies can one little teddy bear collect – Renfield’s buffet!

“That’s it! You and your compadres are heading for the laundry – dip you in the Cheer, dip you in the clear, hold you to the nose…dip you in the Cheer, dip you in the clear…” So the Bear, the Duck and the Clown made it to Maytag’s House of Fun for a ride in the Whirl-a-drome. It wasn't pretty, but it was necessary!

Out of the W‘drome and into the Fluff-a-drome and Clown decides to protest – squeaking at the top of his rubber lung. Now Taylor, being the canine who can hear the opening of a string cheese package at 100 yards, came rumbling across the porch at full gallop, in the front door and down the basement steps with an efficiency I haven’t seen since he was a puppy. The next 10 minutes were poignant, funny and bizarre all at the same time. Whining, talking, growling at the dryer; pacing back and forth and sticking his nose at the crack of the dryer door and more pacing. Agitated this boy was and kept coming over to me at the workbench trying to herd me over the toy eating fluffer. I finally relented, knowing the toys weren’t dry and released them from their wild ride. Popped them into the laundry basket and returned to the bench and he stopped whining…but, he grabbed each of the 3 toys in turn, starting with his bear, and took them upstairs. When I came upstairs myself a few minutes later the Buffledog was on his bed with the 3, now clean, toys properly ensconced in the toy basket and a look on his face that defied me to mess with his toys again. I left him to his post.

Happy weekend!

WooHoo!

Four (count them – 4) days of non-connubial bliss! Just me, myself and the Buffledog left to our own devices (chaperoned only by the blind cat) while Hot Sauce takes her wounded knee to battle the beaches of southern California with SIL. It’s a good thing the cat’s deaf ‘cause we’re gonna raise such a ruckus in the kitchen – ripping out this, cutting out that – all in the name of profit (and a good excuse to dine out) – ha!

…and that’s my non-sunny and wet version of a holiday weekend – that knee better be healed come Monday!

I was talking with a friend yesterday, grousing about our mutual states of disrepair and the TOO expensive service often used to manage said breakdowns, and was reminded of an e.e.cummings poem:

old age sticks
up Keep
Off
signs)&

youth yanks them
down(old
age
cries No

Tres)&(pas)
youth laughs
(sing
old age

scolds Forbid
den Stop
Must
n’t Don’t

&)youth goes
right on
gr
owing old

...and today is Thursday!

Bending

It’s too hot and sleep isn’t coming easy tonight. The air is so still and a/c has little chance of catching up with my mistake of turning it off this morning.

The stench of paint is heavy in the room…I know the wave of nausea is coming…no sleep now…Taylor hears me feeling my way down the stairs and stands wagging in anticipation of something that usually never comes to fruition…except tonight.

Why not, huh? His excitement builds to a whine and almost a bark and mercifully refrains. I slip on a pair of jeans smeared with the remnants of today’s paint and the shirt I should have tossed 5 years ago. I notice a smear of primer on the elbow. I think of how out of it I must have been to be wearing this much paint and consider changing. Fuck it! It is 2AM. I grab my weathered hat – all the night beat cops know the hat and the dog. Blindly fishing for the keys on the rack some hit the floor – I instinctively cringe at the noise, knowing it is stupid to do. Damn that paint stinks! Grabbing Taylor’s lead and stuffing it and a plastic bag in my pocket (I don’t know why I even bother with the lead) we head out into the night and cooler air.

Fucking week! I watch the bats and their aerial acrobatics and turning to look back at the house I see the light in the bedroom come on, she’s restless too. What time is her surgery in the morning? I have to get up soon anyway…long day tomorrow.

Taylor! Give! Give! Goddamnit! Why can’t they throw their chicken bones in the trash? We cross the street to the Safeway and go through the sliding doors and Taylor stops at the bump post waiting for me to tie him off. While I’m fumbling for his lead the night manager stops to ruffle Taylor’s ears - he doesn’t mind if he’s just inside the door. Why did I come in here? Leaning back against the wall I close my eyes for a moment and try to recall the need. Mmmm…Tylenol! I set off in search of relief and Taylor settles in.

Armed with a Perrier, a pain reliever and a hunk of French bread for Taylor (a token from the baker) we claim a sidewalk bench. I’m idly tearing off small chunks so the treat will last longer and just as idly think of the metaphoric implication that this is a lot like life, just a bite at a time…what a terrible week! I weakly smile at the string of drool reluctantly heading for the sidewalk – I hand him another bite.

Sitting on the bench there was a growing awareness of a weight on my shoulder…what is that? I wonder. Taylor settles in with a grunt and a sigh. I start to move and decide against it and look up instead. The streetlamp! The weight of the orange light is almost too much to bear and I shift foolishly for some comfort. Too much light for the night, Taylor sighs appropriately and I open the fizzy. I look up and into the light and try to will it into non-existence when the thoughts of the week return and they join the light in its weight. Again I try to will it away. I silently beg – the light and the weight remain. I stare at its insistent and insolent glow and know that there is more to come.

Sentencing hearing

Well…that’s what it felt like as I shuffled and drug my feet through the parking garage and in the Sleep Clinic. Yesterday was the consultation (a.k.a. sentencing) with the doc. There really wasn’t/isn’t much humor in this – the thought of having to sleep with a frigging “thing” attached to my nose is SO less than appealing - much less the comfort factor. I wasn’t happy as I shuffled into the exam room, dragging the backside of the flu along for good measure, fully expecting the worst.

Yes, I have sleep apnea – moderate obstructive apnea ……….. when I sleep on my back – sides and prone, nope, nada, none! Because sleeping on my back isn’t a preferred position this bodes well for my flight from the CPAP device. Good fucking riddance! NO! That's not me in the pic - just some other lucky bastard!

So what’s the disturbance in my sleep? Apparently several factors: RLS (restless leg syndrome), a VERY busy mind, some snoring (no surprise) and, if I sleep on my back at all, apnea. RLS – they have drugs to alleviate that. A very busy mind – the hardest to deal with (I was amazed at the length of time in REM sleep I had – something or somebody is getting a lot of time in my sleep). Snoring – a visit to the ENT to look into surgery to correct a deviated septum (obtained during a testosterone moment in my teens). Apnea - not sleeping on my back. Did you hear me say “CPAP”? Nope, I didn’t either. No longer is there a need to name the bitch and a commuted life sentence – life is a little better.

So I shuffled my post fluey butt back out to the truck to make an appointment with the ENT to see about a drill and dynamite job on my warped nose. Oh happy day!

Journeys

The sun was just beginning to push through the leaves as Taylor pushes open the front gate. The expectant look and the clamor to get in the front door, knowing that there are rewards waiting in the cookie jar after a productive morning walk, make the morning routine worth the effort. I cherish these early morning times, those times alone in my thoughts with the only distraction being the watchful eye for found food along our path. I love to come through the front door and into the house awash in the early morning light – things are different then, hopeful and full of promise.

I had been reflecting on my mom on this morning’s walk and all that she has meant to me over the years and what struck me as I came through the door was this painting that Mom did nearly 20 years ago. I sat with her while she worked this piece, and she related the trip she and Dad had just returned from – a trip to southern California. I’d already heard Dad’s version over breakfast: weather, lines, airports, airplanes, seats, weather, weather and weather – I’m sure you all know the version. Mom’s version however was another trip entirely; a vision of song birds and flowers and the color of a stone wall in the sunlight. She related the sounds of the ocean and smells on the wind. Every dab of paint and every brush stroke was another part of the vision; and as she painted with the watercolors she also painted with words.

I grew up enjoying her journeys, moving from place to place as my grandfather would be moving from jobsite to jobsite – 19 moves in 17 years that stretched from the backwaters of Alabama to the California aqueduct. She saw her life as a big adventure and not as a hardship; although there were many during the days of the depression and certainly following my grandfather’s death. She tried to live her life in such a way that she could reflect back to us her view of the universe – never forcing, but always presented in such a way that we could learn from it or not. She was a dreamer, but a practical dreamer; always taking care of business first, yet rarely losing sight of the magic of life. She painted what she felt. She painted her magic and I am grateful to have these pieces of her.

I miss my mom, but I still have her magic.

Happy Mother’s Day all!

Of scarcity and plenty

Scarce is time spent here in the sphere.
Scarce is time for family
Scarce is time for friends
Scarce is patience
Scarce are laughs

And yet

There is plenty of money
There are plenty of projects
There are plenty of tools
There is plenty of anxiety
There are plenty of unknowns … lots of unknowns

All this to say that life is happening – faster than I want some days. There really is so much to do here at the house, trying to keep us comfortable and trying to prep to sell. TG the weather has been cooperative lately that has allowed for the completion of some of the projects. The downside to the good weather is it accelerates some of the projects, some because there is such a short window of opportunity and some because there are no more weather excuses…WTF are you waiting for, hmmmm?

So…if I don’t get to visit but once a week it is not from lack of interest. If I don’t post as often as I used to, it’s simply the brain drain.

Welcome to the Hotel Insomnia

Ok, so I’m wired up like Frankenstein’s monster, but mostly it’s just funny! The tech is in and out putting other patients to bed, wiring me up and I really am beginning to resemble the tinker’s computer – so far I’ve counted 18 sensors. Ha! Add the headphones and we’re at 20! The room is too warm, but at least they are trying to rectify that little (not) issue. I can’t move out of this chair because the adhesive is drying – at least they are able to attach the sensors without shaving little spots of my scalp and legs. It’s all not so bad and they relented on the laptop and the cell phone (that’s how I got such stunning photos – HAHAHA!) so I’m able to share such quality entertainment with you all!

I’m wondering if I’m gonna like me after this is fixed. Am I going to be some happy ass that I don’t recognize anymore? What’s going to become of “Mr. Grumpy”?

Have you ever tried to type without the use of one of your index fingers (they have infrared sensors attached)? This is awesome – really!

T minus 29 minutes and holding.

Beyond funny – I have to control the hysterical laughter the more appliances they attach to me. Seriously I feel more like an astro-nut than a sleep study victim. Maybe it’s more like astro-medusa that I’m beginning to appear, given all the stuff sprouting out of me all over – not much feels safe – yes that’s safe, sheesh!

Well the night went as well as could be expected, given the amount of crap that I was having to fight during the night – tug this, pull that (no, not that!) and a lot of WTF is this (no, not that either!) ? Truthfully, looking at my chart tonight it only took me 9 minutes to fall asleep; although it felt like hours. I was actually amazed that I could sleep at all.

So, tonight they are fitting me with a CPAP (constant positive airway pressure) device. So far so good – I’m wearing the thing now getting used to it. It is a little frustrating thinking that I’m marrying this contraption and it doesn’t even have skin. In fairness I believe she should have a name, perhaps you all could help with a name for my new bride. So far her personality traits are that she blows a lot of air and says nothing, she’s kind of quiet and she makes me talk funny! Oh! She’s VERY attached! She probably wouldn’t make it in the online dating scene!

Will this make me a polygamist?

Last night was not as easy, trying to get used to this thing on my face and the wires. How does one sleep when they are outfitted like a Top Gun pilot? This is starting to sound really sexy isn’t it? I might have to take “Frenchie” up on her new line of erotic sleep masks (see comments last post) – Astronaughty – hahaha!

Should I have been worried when the first sign I saw at the sleep center said, “We’re watching you!”

And how is it that one could possibly wake up horny as hell after such a wired experience??? WTF is that about? I tried to tell it this wasn’t a hotel room…it wouldn’t listen. Jeeze Louise. Maybe that should be CPAP's name, Louise! Remember, you get to participate in said naming. Gale (as in gale force winds) has been suggested.

HAPPY WEEKEND ALL!

Sleep over!

update 5/4 - entertaining night to say the least (won't say for whom!) - back again tonight and then a full post tomorrow late morning (that's late morning PDT folks!!!!!!!!)

So…I haven’t slept well in a very long time, probably since we took the year off and traveled the country in the motor home; and that was 9 years ago. The whole sleep deprivation issue has reached epic proportions in the last 30 days and sleep aids (a.k.a. drugs) are only providing minimal relief and leaving me feeling pretty hung over in the mornings – blek! The more sleep deprive I am the easier it is to get sideways over the least little thing and that’s been happening a lot lately!

ENOUGH! I went to the Sleep Institute run by one of the hospitals here to “see what condition my condition was in” and it was recommended that I do a sleep study – 2 consecutive overnight stays at the Institute, all wired up to widgets and gizmos and apparently recorded for “educational” purposes (I could have opted out of that part). In preparation for this study I had to fill out a 30 – yes thirty – page questionnaire – who knew they could ask so many questions about your sleep habits? My favorite question on the whole thing was: “Have you injured yourself or someone else while you were sleeping? Yes – no - don’t know” HAHAHAHA! I suppose it happens though.

I do get to bring my own pillow, reading material, IPOD, but no work, no laptop, no companions and no Buffledog – pfffttttt! Well, this should be entertaining – somebody’s bound to be entertained.

Tuesday pic fest

This is the before and after of the last of the grass project along the street in front of the house and around the side. Some of why I haven't been around to visit much lately - I will soon though!

the before

the after!

HAPPY TUESDAY!!!!

From the weekend!

...just some gratuitous essential Buffle-shots!

HAPPY MONDAY - HAPPY WEEK!